This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
