Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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