You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
