Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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