I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
