I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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