My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
