I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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