dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
