So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
