what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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