how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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