Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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