there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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