she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
