Kiss
Puke
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
