Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
