i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
