I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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