Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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