I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just pee around me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
