Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
