The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
