Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
