I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
