great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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