Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
