yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
