I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
