Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
