When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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