every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
