he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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