I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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