And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
