Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
