Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
