You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
