The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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