Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
