Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
