I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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