Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
