Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
