Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
