I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
