Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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