What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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