your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
PANTIES FOUND
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
