my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
