38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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