I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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