so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
